How Do You Define Love?

Disclaimer: I think it is pretty important to read this before proceeding to any of the contents below to prevent you from making assumptions. Yes, this is necessary because it is a judgemental world and I want to stay out of these dramas as much as possible. First of all, to answer the question that you would ask after reading my blog post, yes, I am a Christian (from this point onwards I know what might be stirring up in your mind because of certain ways I choose to live my life but it does not change the fact that I do not deny my faith and belief). Secondly,  I am not trying to convert anyone nor am I trying to bring any other religion down. Thirdly, I am only sharing this because I think it helped me and I would love to share this thought with you. If it helps, I am happy for you and if it does not, I am sorry.

If you have decided to continue reading then hello to you, love. Welcome back to my blog and I hope that the posts that I have been updating are making your days better *sending virtual hugs*.

Let me start off by telling you all how it happened. So, most of my friends went back to Malaysia while I am still in Melbourne. The other day, I talked to one of my friends who stays in Melbourne and he said that it would be a good idea for me to join his church’s Sunday service. So, why not as I figured that I do not quite remember the last time that I have been to church.

The topic focused by the speaker was LOVE. It is not about the kind of love that you are having in mind but more of how you love anyone that is in your life. Lucky for me, I have picked up bits and pieces along the way and I am more than happy to share it with you.

If you really love someone enough, you would not be an ‘accountant’ or ‘bookkeeper’, he said. I honestly thought that he was talking about the occupation but no/yes? It kind of refers to the occupation judging by the things one does? If you really love someone as much as you have claimed, you would not be keeping count or keeping scores of their mistakes. You would not be a constant reminder of their failure but the one who brings them right back up. Love should not be calculative. It does not matter whether it is in a relationship, friendship or parents and children.

This hit me really hard. I reflected on my life and recalled the amount of time when I am mistreated by the ones I love and I solemnly swear to myself that I will not be there for them when they need me or I would not help them in times of need (sometimes I keep to the promises I made to myself and oh well, sometimes I do not).

Can you remember how many times have you said ‘why should I be doing this much for him/her? He/She was the one who betrayed or mistreated me in the first place. OR why should I listen to mummy? She sided with my younger siblings the other day when we were having a fight.’

I cannot even keep count of the times that I have said that about the people I love and felt no remorse about it. Do I really love them as much as I claim to?

Later on he moved on and asked if the sentence ‘I did bla bla bla because I love you OR I love you that is why I have to make that decision’ sounds familiar to anyone of us. It does right? I myself have said these countless of times. I have said it to my friends, parents and boyfriend.

No doubt, we love the person that we said these to but is it really true that at that particular moment when those words and actions are said or made, we did it out of love? Have we ever said so to escape responsibilities, to avoid quarrels or for self benefits? Was it because we were too lazy to explain ourselves and it leaves them with nothing to say when the reason for our actions is that we are doing it out of love?

Besides that, he was also saying how the way you love someone or hate someone can define who you are.

I think things just got a little real right here. I can name a huge long list of people who I claim that I love but on the other hand I will not fail to mention a long list of people I dislike or hate.

He was right though. People always say that hate is a big word but has it ever occurred to anyone that love is also a big word? It seems to me that the word ‘love’ has lost it actual meaning. Most people (including myself) have been going around, throwing this word to people. Do we really mean it? When tough times come and we really need to show our love, how far are we willing to go? How do we define or express our love for the people we claim we love?

From what I picked up throughout the whole session, to love, it is important that we learn to forgive. Forgiving people who have hurt us is the key to loving. Black listing some people does not really define them. It defines us, you and I. If we are to forgive and move on, it definitely does show that we are the bigger person.

Hatred is like an evil seed being planted in you. It grows over time. It can be fertilized by every little mistakes others have made. When it blooms, trust me, there would be unimaginable consequences.

Well, by sharing this, it does not mean that I have successfully love and not hate anyone. Neither am I trying to preach these words. I can assure you that I do still dislike or ‘slightly hate’ some people and just seeing them would cause so much discomfort that could eat me away.

Just thinking about it makes me feel pathetic though. The other party might be having the time of his/her life while I on the other hand is eaten away by hate. Guess it is time for a change, right? I do not really know how long would it take for me to be a better person in this. Not trying to be a hypocrite but I do hope that for those who are reading this, we can grow together to be a happier and hate-free person.

Until then, keep your heads high, loves ♥♥

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