Live life with no regrets but at the same time, how many of you have never made choices in life that you feel contrite about it comes across your mind?
Recently, besides handling exams, I took some time off to think about the decisions that I have made throughout the 18 years of my life. Looking back, there are certainly decisions and actions that I wish I could undo.
I have to admit that I used to have zero chills and now is just a slightly better, maybe? Looking back, it was easy to realise the mistakes that I have made. They were pretty obvious, I reckon.
In Form 3, I made a big fuss when I was transfered to another class. I literally changed school for 3 days before I went back to Lodge. I do not really know what the 14 year old me was thinking but I recall being furious because I do not get to be in the class that I wanted to be in. I made rash decisions and decided to leave lodge (forever and ever) and not return but oh wells, I regretted moving school after three days.
It was pretty embarassing, I would say. You told the school, your friends and almost everybody that you are never going back to that hellhole (back then, it was to me) and then 3 days later, you find yourself crawling back. There were obviously consequences that I had to face. Teachers and my parents were really unhappy with me.
Unfortunately, I did not learn my lesson. Later on in Form 4, I was allocated to be in science stream (the last place that I would like to be in). I tried to talk it out with my parents saying that I clearly had no interest in doing Chemistry, Add Maths and Physics. Well, me being me, i threatened to quit school, wanted to leave for Melbourne to study Y10 and so many other terrible ideas that I cannot even remember.
So, I changed to Art Stream and again, for 3 days, my parents managed to convince me or somehow talk me out (or maybe guilt trip me) in making that decision and I had to move back to Science Stream again. The consequences from those irresponsible actions are the one of the worst regrets of my life. One of them being losing my teachers’ trust and I lost my chance to hold a position that I always (and will always) wish I did better to have.
Beginning of this year, when I came to Melbourne, I decided to have a dog. We got him, named him Monster and it did not take long for me to realise that it was an impulsive decision. I clearly did not have time to manage him. Most or probably all the responsibilities were burdened on my boyfriend. I start to feel bad but I was not very ready to let him go. Even so, I still did not spend much time with Monster as I was occupied with college. Well, I know it is not okay and is definitely not as excuse because it all started from ‘me being me’, rushing into things, buying a dog just because I wanted a dog without thinking through my decisions.
Around two weeks ago, we sold Monster. I am actually happy that he is with a better family now. Having two really cute girls that never stop cuddling him and taking him for walks. I wonder if he does miss me which I know he always will but well, it is for the better.
With the impulsive decision that I have made, I have to live with a little hole in my heart where he belonged. I would always miss him sitting next to pillow at night as if he was my guardian angel. He would look outside the window and stare at the stars all night. I would miss him wriggling around my legs when I am studying or when he was really desperate for attention, he would have his paws put on my lap. I miss disturbing him by making him sit and stand before giving him treats. I just miss him but I guess it was the right choice seeing that he is much happier with the new family.
I will always love you, Monster. Guess it is too late but you will always have a place in my heart.
Until then, keep your heads high, loves ♥♥