It has been such a long time. I am sorry for not updating for so long. I had to clean my house back in Melbourne and pack to come back home (Kuching). I went on a trip to Great Ocean Road during my last week in Melbourne. I do have videos and clips of the whole trip but I have not managed to put everything together, sigh.
It is almost the end of 2016 which marks the end of another year. 2016 has been a great year and I am thankful for those that have been there for me. I could now see how far I have made it and believe it or not, I have come this far without some people that I used to think that I could not live without.
There were boys that I thought I fell in love with and friends that I thought would stick by me through hardship. At that point of my life, I never thought I could live my life without them. I did not even remember how life was like before meeting them and I believe I am not alone in this.
It was a tough journey. To the friends, best friends and boys that I thought my life depended on them, there were times when my phone lighted up, I wished it was you who texted. There were times when my phone rang, I wished it was you who called. There were times when I watched snapchat stories or scrolled through Instagram and saw your picture with someone else, I wished I would be invited the next time you guys hang out. There were times when I watched you laughed from afar, I wished I was the reason you were happy.
As time goes by, I learned to not expect anything from you. It hurt whenever I see you living your life happily with the new friends you made, doing crazy little things that we used to do when we were best friends. Despite all that, I wondered if you were feeling the same.
Those times, I would cry myself to sleep. I would wonder what went wrong and what could I have possibly done to save the relationships or friendships. There was no answer. I started to blame and to hate so I could feel better. I was angry for being ditched, I was angry for being mistreated, I was angry for being left alone, I was angry for not being given a chance to explain myself, I was angry with so many things that I became a hurtful person.
Slowly, it does not matter to me anymore. I moved on, I found someone else who would love me in ways that you never did and I was lucky enough to have a bunch of people who showed me a whole new definition of friendship. I meet new friends along the way, there were still people who I could depend on and there were also nosy people who wanted to be in my life so they could judge. There were so many things that happened in my life without you guys but I am still thankful and grateful .
Thanks to the friends who left me and judged me when I needed you most. It was because of you that I learnt to not trust in people easily. I learnt that friendship takes years to be strengthen but it takes a conversation to ruin it. I learnt to not spill all my secrets or feelings as easily as I did with you. I learnt to not sacrifice so much and expecting them to do the same for you. I learnt to truly open my eyes and appreciate those who are willing to be there for me.
Thanks to the boys that I once loved, I learnt to not believe in empty promisses. I learnt to only be happy when promisses and words are translated into actions. I learnt to not be attached to anyone the way I did with you. I learnt to not rely on anyone else to protect my heart but myself. I learnt to put myself first before anyone else. I learnt to respect and love myself more. I learnt that it was possible to be strong. I learnt to handle goodbyes. I learnt that people come and go.
The most important of all, I learned that time heals all wounds. It is the end of 2016 and it does not even hurt me anymore as I type this blog post. It does not even anger me anymore as I try to channel my feelings and thoughts into words. When those of you whom I love left me, it hurt like no other, there is still no words that could possibly describe the helplessness and emptiness that I once felt. But then I realised, the pain fades away.
Now, I wish the best for all of you. I still do bump into some of you, I still do watch your snapchat stories or follow you on Instagram. It feels good to know that all of you are happy with your life right now and that 2016 is coming to an end. Hopefully, 2017 would be a better year for all of you, filled with people who would love you to no end.
To anyone of you readers who are facing lost and grieving it, just know that it takes time to forget someone. It takes time for the wound to close up and heal. There would always be a scar but that scar would not be a reminder of how ugly life can get. It would be a mark in your life that reminds you how strong you are. To believe that you cannot live without someone is never further from the truth.
Always remember that you were breathing fine before they walked into your life. Yes, they might spice up your life but as time pass, you would be fine again if you are willing to believe so. You could be even better if you are willing to move on. Stop wondering if they are still missing you, stop trying to grab their attention by changing yourself.
Years or even just a year later, you would look back and realise those people were not so irreplaceable after all. If you are anything like me, I looked back and laughed at myself for willing to jump in front of a bullet for some people but I am thankful for every lessons that they have taught me. I would never have been who I am today if it was not for them.
Enjoy the last few days of 2016 and welcome 2017 with open arms. Believe and you would soar above the storms.
Until then, keep your heads high, loves ♥♥